Just as we talk of five-star hotels, in a sense we can also talk of five-star husbands or five-star wives. There are specific areas where the husband and wife must be excelling in order to become a five-star husband or a five-star wife. These are key areas of being available, being approachable, being appreciative, being accountable and being authentic. Let us take a brief look at each one after the other.

Being Available

  • Simply being there. To each other and later to children.
  • Note the challenge of both or one person being at work 7-5 Monday to Friday (Plus part of Saturdays for some); at church 5-8 two-three days a week. Or even more difficult challenge husband and wife living in different towns.
  • Tough choices to make regarding work and living together.
  • Not reading the headlines when he/she is talking.
  • Make an effort to be at home, make time to be at home.
  • Cut down on outside social responsibilities, including clubs, sports and even “Fellowships” and “Ministry” engagements.
  • Simply “be there”.

Being Approachable

  • It is not enough to be at home.
  • Be touchable.
  • Mood: Don’t frown too much, don’t bone too much, substitute kissing for hissing.
  • Watch your tone. what you are saying may be right, but when you raise your voice you become wrong.
  • Mind your posture: In bed which direction do you face? Do you put yourself on the far edge of the bed facing the wall and almost falling down, with three pillows behind you?
  • Initiate little plays with each other.
  • Simply be a friend.

Dr. James Zasha – Marriage and Family Counsellor.

Being Appreciative

  • Aim at appreciating rather than depreciating him/her.
  • Look out for things to commend.
  • Be affirmative: Look out for the positives, and commend them.
  • Avoid being the Number One critic at home.
  • Substitute “I told you” with “I love you”.
  • Substitute condemnation with commendation.
  • Learn to say thank you; well done; you are doing well; I am proud of you; I love you.

Being Accountable

  • Being accountable is giving another person your PERSONAL MEDDLING RIGHTS (PMR), the right to meddle in your private and personal matters and ask you irritating questions.
  • Being accountable is letting another person enter your private universe, and being willing to supply any missing information.
  • Avoid keeping “Secret” Files. Each person has a private universe that is carefully guarded. In this personal universe, you find lots of information. There may be ‘classified’ information regarding relationships, fears, financial matters, indebtedness (e.g. the food he brought may have been bought with borrowed money, but he/she is too ashamed to share that information), inside the private universe there is a file marked in red “Secret”.
  • Let him/her into your inner universe, your inner world.
  • Maintain openness with each other.
  • Simply have nothing to hide.

Being Authentic

  • Being authentic means being genuine, original, real.
  • Just be yourself, be who you are.
  • Avoid being fake.
  • Avoid seeking to impress.
  • Avoid seeking to express your identity in things, positions and possessions.
  • Seek to find your identity in God through your relationship with His Son Jesus Christ.

Evaluate yourself as husband or wife.

Take a moment to assess yourself on each of the areas as a husband or wife. If you think you are doing very well on being available, give yourself a star. Do the same with each of the areas. Add up the number of stars you have at the end of the assessment. If you have only one star, you are a one-star spouse. If you have five stars, you are a five-star spouse. You can then share your assessment with your wife, husband for validation, discussion and prayer towards becoming a five-star spouse.

For ongoing discussion, please contact me on:

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