Sometime in February 2021, I went to visit an older couple who have been married for slightly over forty years. We had a healthy conversation regarding the marriage institution. Having noticed the expression of joy and bond of friendship between them (husband and wife), my curiosity was aroused, and to entertain my curiosity, I asked them if their marriage has always been this tantalizing, romantic and friendly? This question engineered the discussion that led to this article.
Gleaning from this ‘perfect couple’ I rediscovered that marriage is not for perfect people and ‘perfect marriage’ is only possible when two imperfect human beings decide, train, endure in commitment to each other and their marital vows. The ‘perfect marriage’ I saw in them was a marathon commitment to each other and their marital vows through forgiveness, disagreement to agree, sacrifices, and accepting to be the fool, so the spouse looks wise in his/her foolishness. This supposedly ‘perfect couple’ once fought through a season where the husband broke their marriage vows by having carnal knowledge of other women. There were also seasons of disagreement and temptation to dissolve the marriage, but their commitment to each other was the rallying motivation to fight off every intruder into their marriage.
Commitment to your marriage is the surest way to stay happily married – commitment to God’s instruction in Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 21-33. The love and vows in marriages are often tried and tempted with legions and series of disappointments such as infidelity, delayed childbirth, terrible or hidden moral past, financial hardship, prosperity, dissatisfaction with a spouse, inexplicable detestation for a spouse, materialistic spouse, changed and strange behaviours, stingy (super-glue hand) spouse, insatiable hunger for sex, and sexual starvation, in-law, out-law, corner-law, by-law wahala.… Just to mention a few.
There is rarely any marriage on earth that is not tried or tempted by some or all of the above-listed unwelcomed realities. These unwelcome realities seek to drain joy, love and cause divorces in many marriages. However, knowing living testaments like the couple in my introduction readily suggests that it is possible to weather these unwelcome realities. Also, for regard to God before whom, you took a vow; in Ecclesiastes Chapter 5 verse 4-5, God’s word speaks to you that “when you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfil it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfil your vow. 5. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfil it.” I suggest, with the help of the Holy Spirit that you value and seek to fulfil your marital vows because:
- it reveals your attitude towards God,
- it divulges your relationship with Christ,
- God has no pleasure in those who don’t seek to fulfil their vows.
For the bereavement of commitment to spouse and vows, some couples seek alternative pleasure in things (like drugs), addictions (like pornography and masturbation), immorality (sexing someone else other than your spouse). You and your spouse can light the joy of love in your marriage despite the trials and temptations you are facing right now. Believe me, you can conquer that storm that is trying to steal the peace in your marriage. Don’t give and seek separation or divorce, you can win that battle if you are committed to fighting them off your marriage. Others have conquered theirs – you will also conquer yours! Commit yourself to write a story that will delight your children to read.
Fight to keep your marriage vows and commit yourself to love your spouse until the commitment to love is formed in your spouse.