A story was shared of a couple who got divorced because the husband accused his wife of not being submissive enough. By that, he meant that his wife, though she submits her salary to him at every month end, but sometimes requests him to add to her monthly allowances so she can help her parents. He got pissed because he felt that it wasn’t in her place to request any amount other than the monthly allowances that he gives her. He was not contented with having that kind of woman as his wife, so he divorced her.
What he failed to understand was the truth that, her kind of woman is some men’s dream wife, but his lack of contentment with whom he had as a wife did not help him to see that virtue in her.
In another related shared story, a couple lived in frustration and bitterness with each other for twelve years because the wife accused her husband of not providing for her needs the way some of her friends’ husbands were doing for them.
Friends, some spouse’s lack of contentment with each other may account for the strain and breakdown of affection and joy in their marriages. Contentment in marriage invites you to appreciate your spouse, though s/he is not the best of all wo/men on earth, s/he is someone else’s desired spouse. The grass may look greener on the other side, but trust me, it may not be as green as you think; it may only be green on the surface. Underneath, it may be yellow or red.
For example, that neighbour’s husband you wish to exchange with your husband may have some flaws in his life which his wife is enduring, thus making him look flawless. The same can be said of some husbands who despise their wives’ affection and forbearing in admiration of someone else’s wife who looks perfect from a distance.
“…for I have learned to be content [and self-sufficient through Christ, satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or uneasy] regardless of my circumstances.”
This praxis of Apostle Paul suggests the following lessons:
Contentment is learned. It is not inherent in human beings to be contented. What is inherent in human beings is the desire to have things that are not yours, while ignoring or despising the things you have. However, contentment does not mean a lack of ambition or seeking for a more enriching virtue in your spouse, but it entails learning to appreciate your spouse as s/he evolves.
Contentment breeds satisfaction. Contentment aids couples to find satisfaction in each other, appreciate their journey together, and empowers them to derive strength from each other.
Contentment, an antidote to uneasiness. The uneasiness or disturbances in some marriages can be cured or reduced to a bearable minimum if couples become contented with their present realities while hoping for better days. My wife and I have a guiding slogan when life confronts us with financial lack and difficult moments; we always remind ourselves to ‘enjoy the process.’ By that, we mean our present realities will not affect our affection and friendship with each other. That is, contentment keeps the love aglow amidst needs and lack.
Needless to remind you that contentment will grace you to enjoy the strength of your spouse as you both bear with each other through the weaknesses and trying moments of life. Also, always remember that your spouse’s kind maybe someone else’s desire.
Mentorship is a relationship which affords people the privilege to share their personal skills, professionalism and assimilated experiences over years, with an in-experienced, unskilled person called the mentee or protégé who is willing to grow and develop in the process of the relationship. Martin Sanders in his book, ‘The power of mentoring: Shaping people who will shape the world’ notes that “mentoring is the facilitation of the lifelong development process whereby individuals move through various stages of human, emotional, spiritual, educational and intellectual development.” The mentor (older or experience person) is to supports, advises and guides, and eventually significantly influence the mentee/protégé (younger or in-experience person) in the realization of his/her potential.
Mentoring in Pst. Nathan H. Chiroma words, “is a dynamic, shared personal relationship in which a more experienced person acts as an adviser, guide and role model for a less experienced person (the protégé).” The concept of mentorship relationship originated when Homer Odysseus, a Greek warrior went to fight in the Trojan War and left his son Telemachus for 20years under the custody of a man called Mentor to look after for him. Thus, Mentor (older and experienced person) mentored Telemachus (younger or inexperience person) into becoming a more responsible and reliable young man.
Mentoring is therefore raising younger people with values, skills, wisdom and nuggets that will enhance their relevance to themselves and society. In mentorship, parents need to mentor their lads with godly and morally sound values that will enable them to become the men/women that they were created to be; men with impeccable character and conduct, men who know how to treat women with respect, men who will not jeopardize their family values for work, men whose words can be trusted, men who know how to sacrifice for their families… Likewise, ladies need their parents (especially mothers) to mentor them on how to cook a delicious meal for their future husbands and family, show submission to spouses, balance career and family life, be women of noble character, teach them about sex and marriage… just to mention but a few. It may surprise you to know that there are families whose business is in ruin because the parents (mentor) didn’t mentor a successor or there were no willing successors (mentee).
Leaders in various organizations are shopping for emerging leaders who will be capable of sustaining already achieved success and take the organization to the next level of influence and relevance. This goal is achievable in the context of mentoring. Mentoring is intentional and holistic in content: an older person will need to consciously invest his/her skills, experience and finance in the lives of a younger adult because life is seasonal and temporal. You are not a successful man/woman on earth until you have successfully raised a successor. In Dr James Zasha words, “you are only a great man/woman when you are able to raise great men/women who will succeed you”.
One cogent goal of mentorship relationship activities is to create an enabling environment that will help the mentee to progress along the learning curve and mature their practice skills. Another goal of mentoring relationship is to be a Paul who has a Barnabas who mentored him and Timothy whom he mentored under his tutelage as his own mentee. That is, being raised by an older or experienced person, while also pouring your own experiences in a younger or inexperienced person (mentee).
One stumbling block in many mentoring relationships is in defining exactly what mentorship means to the individuals involved. The interpretation of mentorship is largely subjective, so the process and contents of this activity need to be defined at its inception for it to be effective for both parties (mentors/mentees). If there is no open communication between mentors and mentees, unrealistic expectations could be set on both sides of the relationship, so that frustrations will mount, performance will be affected and inevitably, many of the relationships will dissolve unnecessarily without achieving the goal of mentoring.
In the last article, we engaged leadership as earning the right to be followed- being a living testament who models words and live out the essence of your conviction in praxis. In this article, we will engage leadership from the paradigm of leadership as a platform for influence. A story was told of a lady (first child of her family) who after graduation from a tertiary institution got employment at a lucrative organization. Two years into her employment, she took responsibility for the four widows in her extended family by providing them with quarterly foodstuff and paid the school fees of her two siblings. If I may ask, in your own opinion, is this lady a leader of influence or not? Your guess is as concrete as mine. Thus, leadership by influence is adding values to someone else’s life, helping and aiding people to fulfil their God-given potential, creating content that can potentially change and transform people’s lives.
Pst. O.J. Dickson
The term “influence” connotes having an indelible impact on someone, something or an institution. Leadership by influence thus entails being a leader of a small or large group of people who registers impactful memories, stories and experiences for those under their tutelage/leadership. Leadership by influence invites the leader to use their statutory position(s) of leadership or followership to make life more meaningful to their followers. John Maxwell submits and I infer, the true measure of leadership is influence- nothing more, nothing less.
In the viewpoint of my friend, Enoch Joseph Aboi, while some have statutory leadership position accorded them by a group of people in the Church, political and economic space, or on any of their social media spaces, others occupy statutory leadership and having less influence or no constructive influence in leadership. For youth in the Church, one among their many influences, entails helping their siblings to fulfil their purpose, helping their aged parents with financial substance, disseminating biblical truths within their space of influence, and living out those biblical truths to the admiration of God. This space could be their younger siblings at home, teenagers or adults in the Church, and even the boundless space of social media. Among these spaces of influence, as a communication medium, the social media platform offers youth the opportunity to share their Christian life and convictions with a much larger audience that extends beyond local, national and international boundaries, and cuts across ethnic, cultural and religious affiliations.
For example, in October 2020, I boosted a quote on my Facebook page (OJ Dickson Ministry), and I was able to reach out to twenty-six thousand, eight hundred persons (26,800) through that medium. It was a waw experience for me. With this in view, youth should equip themselves with biblical and theological understanding of God’s mission to the world so that the latter can evangelize and influence this generation via social media and spread the life-saving gospel message, and thereby, make the vision, goals, and ministry of the Christ known as they influence their generation with God’s truth and life. This praxis, in turn, will publicize the biblical and theological truth, and bear witness to, the mandate of the Church, so that they will not wink their Christlikeness in the dark.
The point I wish to make here is that, in addition to assuming the statutory helm of leadership in the church and society, the youth are also influencers in-and-through their social media platforms and physical space of influence (like the story in the first paragraph). As leaders, they live a life that earns them the right to be followed and, as influencers, they have the role of propagating the gospel and influencing all within their tradition and social media space of influence.
It is often said in some, if not most, quarters that, “youth are the leaders of tomorrow”. Well, there is a fragment of truth to this statement, except that, youth are also the leaders of today. If leadership is perceived as statutory, then youth are the leaders of tomorrow, but if leadership is understood in regards to earning the right to be followed, then some youth are the leaders of today.
One cogent role of youth in the church and society is to provide leadership that is earned and not statutory in the church or society – although, a type of leadership that is premised on influence. Let’s reflect on the two words underpinning the conceptual framework of this writing—“leadership” and “influence”. These two words spell out that the youth are leaders and influencers in their churches and society. In this writing, I will stimulate your thoughts on youth as earned leaders. Youth as influencers will be discussed in the next writing.
Sometimes the terms we use for leadership have nuances of meanings in different contexts. So permit me to define leadership here from my own point of view amidst the myriad usages of the concept. Leaders are individuals who have earned the right to be followed by virtue of who they are and what they do. When I say youth are leaders, it encompasses two fundamental aspects: First of all, it suggests that some youth have earned the right to be followed. They are ‘Christ addicts’ in deep pursuit of God’s righteousness, which is noticeable in their admirable conduct—they are unemployed because they refuse to make bribery payments or have sex with older adults who demand such in order to get a job. Furthermore, some are without admission into higher education institutions, not because they lack eligibility or the required qualifications, but because they refuse to pay a bribe in exchange for admittance.
Imagine the Acts of the lady, Leah Sharibu; a Christian lady who with some of her school mates was abducted by on February 19th 2018 in Dapchi, Yobe State, Nigeria and still in captivity because she has refused to denounce her Christian faith in Jesus Christ. In this Act of Leah Sharibu, I cannot but say that she has earned the right to be followed and emulated as a leader. I can unequivocally say that young people like Leah Sharibu have the proclivity to do the right thing – at all cost.
Secondly, some youths are freely and wholeheartedly serving God in their respective churches. Their trailblazing endeavours are evident in what they are doing. In that, some are putting their minds to work and creating contemporary approaches to contextualizing the gospel for their generation (fellow youth, teenagers, adults and parents) without compromising the biblical truth. In Evangelical Church Winning All (ECWA), examples of such approaches are exemplified in church-based ministries in Abuja, Nigeria are “Church beyond walls” and Young People’s Church (YPees) at ECWA Wuse II, “Rhythms Of Life” (ROL) at ECWA Goodnews Maitama, “Youth With A Glorious Sparkle” (YWAGS), “Valentine Extravaganza” and “Intergeneration Connect” at ECWA Central Area, and “Single’s Forum at ECWA Goodnews Jikwoyi… just to mention but a few. These are church-based contemporary and contextual ministries that are lead by youth.
More so, some youth in their potentiality as earned leaders have revolutionized the experience of the Church by introducing software, such as easyworship, pro presenter, shareFaith presenter, worshipTrac, zionWorx, openLP, BibleShow, e.t.c to facilitate the worship experience of the church. Further developments include the importing of ever-evolving technological and computer devices to enhance the worship experience, which is noticeable in the Church visuals, sound and lighting.
Some youth, of a surety, are leaders in their strides through exemplary living and pathfinding innovative models for an upward mobile Church- and society at large.
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